


I'm just a kid (and life is a nightmare)

by kagseyamas



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 13 year old oikawa and iwaizumi, Crushes, First Kiss, Here we go, M/M, Pining, Second-Hand Embarrassment, awkward teenagers, blood mention, iwaoi - Freeform, oikawa with braces
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-12
Updated: 2015-04-12
Packaged: 2018-03-22 10:37:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3725659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kagseyamas/pseuds/kagseyamas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Oikawa is an awkward 13 year old dealing with awkward feelings, who learns that kissing and braces are not a good mix.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm just a kid (and life is a nightmare)

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a conversation I had with @sportmanga on twitter, because I love to believe that Oikawa had the worst time during puberty. Because. I mean. Who doesn't.

He didn't care about what anyone said; 13 was a horrible, disgusting, mess of an age. At 11 and 12 nothing had changed much at all. He still retained most of his puppy fat so that his cheeks were chubby and adults still called him cute at family gatherings. His voice was sweet and a little high, but it didn't bother him because that was the way it had always been, and he had a nice singing voice anyway. He was tall, but not too tall, because he was yet to have another growth spurt.

And then Tooru hit 13.

He was starting to change in weird ways, and he despised every moment of it. His height had shot up seemingly overnight, and now his limbs felt too long and gangly, as if he was wearing a sweater that didn't fit. He'd gotten braces at the start of the year, meaning that now he had to deal with a mouth full of metal too, and not only that, but he'd even suffered from a few breakouts on his chin and forehead, subtracting even more from his cute looks. His voice was very gradually starting to break, and at the moment it was at a weird 'in-between' pitch, which sounded gross and not-at-all like him.

What made it worse was how easily Iwaizumi was floating through puberty. His childhood best friend was older than him by a month and 10 days (which he was always reminded of whenever Iwaizumi felt he needed it), and Tooru had yet to see him with a single pimple, or even hear his voice crack accidentally once. (Again, something he got made fun of time and time again. Most recently, they had been playing volleyball and it had cracked when he called out for the ball, sending his awful best friend into fits of laughter, much to Tooru's humiliation.)

Of course, he knew that he and Iwaizumi were still probably on the same wavelength, because despite never experiencing any difficulties with it, he had also grown so that he was taller than Tooru, and his voice was also on that same half-way-broken pitch as his.

It wasn't physical changes that were the worst though. Things seemed to be taking a toll on his _insides_  too, and it was really getting in his way. His hormones were all over the place, or so a sex education book he'd read said, and he'd started having to lock his bedroom door multiple times a day.

And then there were the mushy feelings.

The first time it happened, he'd been at Iwaizumi's house, along with a few other 2nd years from their volleyball team. It was just a movie and some takeout, but it was nice to have a gathering with friends. Tooru always enjoyed these gatherings, because it gave him a chance to show off to people how he looked when he wasn't in school uniform, or in a jersey. Oh, and his friends were alright too.

He'd wrestled with Iwaizumi to let him sit with his legs stretched over his lap, because he was a growing boy and needed to stretch.

"Iwa-chaan, just let me put them–"

" _No_ , it's uncomfortable, Asskawa."

Tooru gasped and clamped two hands over his ears. "Such _rude_  language, Iwa-chan! Were you raised by wolves?"

"Wolves don't swear, Oikawa!" someone– he hadn't noticed who– called, and Iwaizumi began to snicker, finally managing to kick Tooru's legs from the sofa.

Tooru, a little hurt by the whole situation, gave up and hugged his knees to himself instead. He'd always bragged to the others about how close he and Iwaizumi were; they _were_  childhood friends after all— and then he went and made a fool of him by acting like he hated him. It was so humiliating.

As the group of rowdy 2nd years drifted into their own loud conversation, Tooru found himself hanging his head, eyes beginning to sting a little. He was only just barely a teenager, and he had yet to learn the skill of not letting simple things get to him. In truth, he was really quite sensitive, and Iwaizumi knew this, so why did he–

He felt a warm hand on one of his ankles, and he looked up to see his best friend refusing to look at him, but with a hand connected to his leg, tugging it onto his lap. The other one followed closely behind, and Tooru saw that Iwaizumi was sporting the type of expression that subtly said 'yeah whatever, don't make a big deal out of it', but the type of blush that said 'shut up, you know I'm sorry.'

In that moment, Tooru had felt such an overwhelming rush of affection for Iwaizumi Hajime that he'd almost wanted to leap over and snuggle into his neck, or something. Of course he _didn't_ , and he told himself that he was just feeling overly-affectionate because of puberty, and that those feelings would pass.

A few weeks later and they had _not_  passed.

It wasn't as though Tooru was constantly pining for him, acting clumsy and lovestruck every time he was around Iwaizumi. In fact, he didn't even _notice_  his feelings subtly approaching until they were right on top of him, punching him in the face. Every so often he would get the urge to tackle his best friend to the ground and plant a huge kiss on his cheek, or wrap his arms around Iwaizumi's waist and have his hair petted.

He was just craving physical contact and affection, was what he told himself, and Iwa-chan was the person closest to him, so of _course_  he was going to be the target of his cravings. It wasn't like he was going to act on them.

Or, that was what he had planned. He certainly _hadn't_  planned on occasionally accidentally cuddling too close to him on the couch during movie night, or resting his head on Iwaizumi's shoulder on bus rides, or fiddling with his fingers absent-mindedly during class. Once he realised what he had been doing, he stopped immediately, and wished that Iwaizumi would have _told_  him, but he never did tell him. He _let_  Tooru be close to him, and it only added fuel to the flame, making him giddy and giving him weird butterflies in his stomach.

It finally hit home that he had a huge crush on Iwaizumi Hajime several weeks later, while they were simply lounging around at Tooru's house. They were only watching tv, both on opposite sides of the couch, but Tooru couldn't help but glance over at him every few minutes. Iwaizumi was fully immersed in the programme they were watching, not noticing his gaze. Every so often he would crack a small smile, or his brows would furrow in deep concentration. Tooru took him in, all bruises and scrapes and ruffled spiky hair. At that moment, a very loud part of his brain said

 _'Y'know, Tooru, if he leaned over to kiss you right now, you wouldn't pull away. You would't fight him, or tell him to stop. You'd kiss him back. You_ want _to kiss him.'_

He gulped, excusing himself to the bathroom, where he found himself pacing back and forth. It wasn't a big deal. In the back of his mind he'd always sort of known he felt that way, even if it was very hidden, and _very_  sub-concious. He didn't really care about liking a boy, simply because it was his Iwa-chan. His Hajime. If he could choose any boy to have a crush on, it would be him. He'd have to tell Iwaizumi eventually– he wasn't one to keep huge secrets– but right now he would just bask in the temporary comfort of cuddling into his best friend and not have it be awkward. Besides, he knew that even though his feelings were most-likely not returned, Hajime would never shut him out because of them. He wasn't that type of person. Perhaps that was why Tooru was so drawn to him.

 

* * *

 

 

The day had finally come, and Tooru was about to bear all to his best friend. He was on a sleepover at Iwaizumi's, which was a good opportunity, but if somehow something went terribly wrong, he could always walk home because he lived just down the street.

Over the past two weeks he'd been having reoccurring fantasies of holding hands, of being able to call Iwa-chan his boyfriend, of kissing and cuddling whenever he felt like it. Of course he _was_  a teenage boy now, so he also had a lot of _other_  kinds of fantasies he would never tell a soul about, but the lovely-dovey ones were the most dominant.

He knew that that none of them would be able to come true– he was mature enough to know that all of his wishing was in vain. He wasn't blind; he knew what someone with a crush looked like, from tv and movies, and he had never seen Iwaizumi look at him like someone in love. He only ever looked at him with mild irritation.

Despite all of that, he knew it would be good to get it all off his chest, and finally maybe gain some control over his own feelings again.

They'd played video games all evening and were now in Iwaizumi's room, lounging around in their pyjamas. Iwaizumi was reading some magazine about race cars while Tooru played mini-games on his Tamagotchi. His heart began to race as he realised what he was about to do. But it was now or never. He settled his tiny pet down and scooted over to his friend so that they were sitting opposite each other, cross-legged. Iwaizumi looked up from the magazine, a quizzical look on his face.

"What's up?"

Tooru failed to make any sounds with his mouth as Iwaizumi settled the magazine down and scooted closer to him, indicating that he had his full attention.

"You look like you're gonna be sick, Shittykawa." he said bemusedly, clearly sensing his nerves, and his voice softened slightly. "What's on your mind?"

Tooru had to say it. He had to say all of it. He had a whole speech planned out, about how he would try to get rid of his feelings, and how he hoped Iwaizumi would accept his apology. But he took one look at how his best friend was looking at him with those attentive, hazel eyes, and how they were softened with concern, and his brain just...short-circuted.

Without thinking, he grabbed both of Iwaizumi's hands and clasped them, screwing his eyes shut and lunging forward, crashing their lips together. A surprised, muffled noise bubbled up from Iwaizumi's throat, and for a second things were perfect, and Tooru was in perfect bliss (even if there was a momentary awkward clash of lips and teeth), but then Iwaizumi's fists were on pounding on his chest for him to get away.

Tooru sighed through his nose in defeat, his panicked reaction seemingly delayed. Right now he just needed to savour the taste of Iwaizumi's lips, before it was all lost forever. They tasted like... blood? Iwaizumi gave another frantic thump on his chest and Tooru finally broke away, except he couldn't go to far.

It was with horror that he finally realised that his braces were caught on Iwaizumi's top lip. He hadn't realised how or when one of the train-tracks had gotten hooked to the skin, and he was up too close to make out Iwaizumi's expression, but he could see that his face was bright red. His friend's breathing was rapid, from either pain, anger, or being aggressively kissed for a few seconds, and his breath smelled like toothpaste from brushing his teeth a while ago.

This was all one, huge mess, and now Tooru couldn't take it back. He couldn't even make it smooth and make Iwaizumi fall in love with him. He would think Tooru was disgusting now, and never want to look at him again. He had to say something. Anything.

"Iwa-chan..." he whimpered, just needing to break the silence. "I'm really sorry."

Iwaizumi's face twitched and he hissed in pain. "Don't move your mouth so much, it really hurts. Stupid, _stupid_  Shittykawa."

Tooru winced at his words, knowing fully that he deserved them. It was his fault they were in this mess anyway. "I know. I didn't mean for us to–"

" _Why_  would you think it was a good idea to try and kiss with braces? My mouth is _bleeding_ , Oikawa." Iwaizumi growled, his words sounding a little distorted because he had barely any top lip to talk with.

Tooru squeezed his eyes shut, the words stinging him. He knew he had to face the music, especially when he'd acted so selfishly, but it was so hard to do when he'd made himself completely vulnerable. Iwa-chan was always the one to protect him from harsh words, so he didn't know how to handle it when his friend was the one dishing them out.

"I know." he said simply in a whisper, trying to move his mouth as minimally as possible.

"My mom is downstairs, what happens if she walks in and finds us like this?"

"I know." Tooru mumbled, sniffing slightly, trying to hold back tears. "I'm sorry."

"Oh christ– are you _crying?_ Look, Oikawa– I don't– _crap_ – I mean, I don't _care_  that you kissed me. It's alright, okay?"

"No, it's not alright." Tooru choked on a sob, a tear rolling down his cheek and plopping onto Iwaizumi's. He sniffed again. "I'm just... ruining everything, aren't I? I tried to... I tried to tell you how I feel, and I just ended up making your _mouth bleed_."

Through his sniffs and soft hiccups, Tooru heard Iwaizumi grumble under his breath. Even after all the times he'd seen Tooru cry like a little baby, he still had no idea how to comfort him. He ended up bringing a hand up to Tooru's hair and stroking it gently, not knowing quite what to say.

For Tooru, it was enough to calm him down enough to be able to talk again, even if his nose was a little snotty.

"I'm sorry I kissed you. You can be mad at me if you want."

"I already _am_  mad at you." Iwaizumi grumbled. "For getting my lip caught in your stupid braces. We can talk about the other thing later, but right now I need to get unstuck."

"Ah." Tooru acknowledged. "Do you want to try and pull?"

" _God_  no, I actually wanna _keep_  my skin, stupid. I'll just call my mom."

" _What?!_ " Tooru squeaked, ready to panic all over again. "You _can't_ , she's gonna figure out what happened, and she'll think bad things about me and tell my parents and what if she doesn't let me sleep over again and... and..."

"And," Iwaizumi reluctantly placed a hand on his cheek as more tears spilled over his eyes, "I know she won't be mad about it. C'mon, you've met my mom. She loves you!"

"She won't love me after this." Tooru mumbled, already beginning to accept his fate.

"Ow– okay, we need to get unstuck fast because there is blood in my mouth right now."

"I know, it's in my mouth too." Tooru said, and after a pause, they both erupted into a fit of giggles at the ridiculousness of the situation.

After a few painful attempts at getting Iwaizumi's mom's attention, Tooru heard the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs, and his stomach lurched. As if sensing his unease, Iwaizumi blindly found his hand and squeezed it.

"It'll be fine." he murmured, and Tooru's heart began to race.

Why was Iwa-chan being so nice after what he did? He had no time to contemplate it, as the door swung open.

"Are you boys alri..." Iwaizumi's mother trailed off, presumably taking in the sight of her 13 year old son and his best friend, connected by the mouth. "Oh dear."

"Hi mom." Iwaizumi said sheepishly, yet surprisingly calm. "Can you help unstick us please?"

The question seemed to process in her mind before she caught wind of what he was saying.

"O-oh! Okay... where's the problem, then?" she approached them cautiously, peering at the problem.

Tooru suddenly felt very vulnerable and stupid, but he willed himself not to cry again until she was gone.

"His braces are caught on my top lip. It's really sore." Iwaizumi said, and Tooru could feel the cringe in his words.

"I can imagine so." his mother laughed wearily. "It's really caught on there. Hold on, let me..." she squinted in concentration as she reached forward and began to fiddle at the problem area, as if she was a doctor preforming a surgery.

Suddenly, the tension on his brace went slack, and Iwaizumi immediately pulled away, a hand clasped over his mouth.

"Thanks mom." he said, eyes fixed on the bed covers.

Tooru couldn't bring himself to look at either of them either, and he focused on his own hands in front of him. "Thanks, Iwaizumi-san."

"Ah...no problem boys." she hesitated before adding "Whatever you were up to, make sure you stay safe."

Tooru's eyes widened and flicked up to Iwaizumi, who had squeezed his eyes shut and who's face had gone bright red.

"We will. Thanks mom."

She left after that, and it was just the two of them in that awkward silence. Tooru was the first one to speak.

"You handled that situation really maturely, Iwa-chan."

"Yeah well." Iwaizumi huffed, still not looking at him. " _Both_  of us couldn't be crying like babies. One of us actually had to talk to her."

Tooru hung his head, partially in shame, partially in remorse. "I know. I'm sorry. About this whole thing. I guess... I guess I thought it would go a little smoother."

" _Could_  it have gone smoother?" Iwaizumi said, finally looking up at him. His eyes were playful, and told Tooru that everything wasn't going to be ruined.

"Obviously not. As you can see, Iwa-chan, I am the master of being suave." he played along, a smile playing at his lips.

"Oh you don't have to tell me." Iwaizumi grinned devilishly. "That part where you got snot all over me? Practically had me _swooning_."

Tooru's cheeks burned with embarrassment, and he made sure to sniff and wipe under his nose with his sleeve again.

"I, um... do you wanna talk about it? Me, uh... me kissing you, I mean?" he gulped, really not wanting to act like it never happened.

"I guess we have to." Iwaizumi sighed. "I mean, I wish you would have given me some warning first. Y'know, before you maimed me."

Tooru carefully thought over his words, wondering if Iwa-chan meant what he thought he meant. He had to prod a little further.

"Wouldn't it just be easier to wish I'd never done it in the first place?"

He watched carefully as Iwaizumi's expression became slightly uneasy, and he gulped. "Is...Is that what you want?"

Tooru's eyes widened a little, and he shook his head. Just a little more... he had to push a little more...

"No. I'm sorry if it hurt you, but I don't take it back. I still would have done it. I still..." he gulped, closing his eyes momentarily. "I still want to."

Iwaizumi's face flushed and he fidgeted with his hands. Tooru waited for some kind of clarification about how he felt. Even a slap to the face would have been better than all this waiting.

"Iwa-chan." he said, voice almost in a whisper. "I think I– I'm in love with you."

He braced himself for what Iwaizumi had to say. The boy in front of him covered his face with his hands and groaned.

"You can't just _say_  things like that, Stupidkawa, it's embarrassing."

"But it's how I _feel_ , Iwa-chan." he whined, despite being overcome by nerves. He hesitated before continuing.

"Can you please just... say how you feel about me, and put me out of my misery?"

Iwaizumi crossed his arms and puffed his cheeks out, looking anywhere but at him. Tooru felt kind of bad for him. His best friend probably felt guilty for having to reject him, but he'd already accepted his fate. "It's okay, you can say it. I'll get over it."

"I would have let you, okay?" Iwaizumi said suddenly, looking at him directly now.

Tooru's mind was blank. What on earth was he talking about? "Huh?"

"If you hadn't gotten caught... I would've let you– let you kiss me." he choked out, as if it pained him to say the phrase.

"...What?"

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, but his face was bright red and Tooru could see that he was trembling slightly, so he couldn't really get away with it.

"I liked it okay? And if you tell anyone I said this you're dead, but–" he hesitated for a moment, "it was really nice, before I got stuck. So there."

He...wait...did Iwaizumi like him back? He couldn't even understand, his brain was so fuzzy. It was like his heart was beating at a thousand miles per hour.

"Iwa-chan, are you saying you like me too?"

Iwaizumi's eyes momentarily flicked up to look at his face, but his expression only screwed up even more, and he looked away again.

"Yeah, just stop looking at me like that."

Tooru realised that he was positively _beaming_ , so much so that his cheeks hurt. Iwa-chan was just _embarrassed_  about it, which was just as cute as the expression he was making. He wanted to leap on him and kiss him again, but he was pretty sure that the both of them, along with Iwaizumi's mother, were traumatised from the last time. Instead he settled for wrapping his arms around him before he could get away. Iwaizumi struggled slightly at first, but then melted into the hug as Tooru buried his nose into his neck, something he'd been wanting to do for a really long time.

"Iwa-chan, you don't have to, but do you want to be my boyfriend?"

Iwaizumi didn't answer at first, and for a moment Tooru thought he wasn't going to answer, but eventually he nodded, chin resting on Tooru's shoulder.

"Okay." he said quietly. "I don't think we should kiss again for a while, though."

"No promises." Tooru said, because he would have already done so again, if it weren't for the fact that Hajime had a split lip with some blood still on it. Besides, he'd botched it the first time, and he wanted to try it again as soon as possible, without messing up this time.

Finally, he'd be able so try all of the things he'd been dreaming about– well, not _all_  of the things (yet, anyway), but most of them. He had no idea what they'd be doing in the future, but if he had anything to do with it, they'd stay together all through high school, and even after that. With the way Iwaizumi looked at him after they pulled back from the embrace, he wondered if maybe Hajime wanted that too.

 

**Author's Note:**

> i feel so mean for doing this to oikawa but i just needed to get this scenario out of my head and written down. if yall want me to do an iwaizumi version of this lemme know in the comments bc im feelin that too.


End file.
